You know, jacking someone's hair tie is very uncool. Or maybe it just fell on the floor, but this way at least I have someone to blame. It's kind of a bitch to be sweeping, bargaining, killing spiders ALL DAY with your hair in the way. I know...messed up, right?

On a more positive note GRAND OPENING OF THE ONLY DECENT WEAPONS DEALER IN RADIANT GARDEN NEXT WEEK ! That's right. Be appeased, ye of blunt blades and inadequate weapons. Maybe you're looking to spice up your weapon OR you're looking for something new and possibly imported (Ooh! Aah!) !!! Time are changing with this growing Heartless problem. Kill 'em in style. We've got it or we'll go to measures to GET it.

Make an appointment ahead of time and I'll take a look at your weapon and give you a discount on upgrades. Keyblades, Lances, Swords, Pistols, Chakram, Rifles, Big-Ass-Sticks...whatever! I'll check it out for you. Trust me, I'm qualified for this kind of shit.

This woman thing is confusing as hell. One minute you're upbeat, the next you feel like bawling your eyes out. Tch. At least I'm not some raging bitch, but I think that would be a LOT better than changing moods like there's no tomorrow. You notice the little things...like the fact that I can't see my feet because these things are IN THE WAY. They're really not that great unless they're on someone else. The thought of having different plumbing is also haunting...eugh.

What I mean to say is I need out of the apartment for a while. Kind of got the wanderer's spirit going on now. Don't worry, I duct taped the back of the couch it was torn up pretty bad...so it should hold together and protect against anything further until we figure some shit out. I've got places to go and people to see...well, debate on seeing considering I'm not quite my usual self. It won't be long, just a little while- I'll probably come back in the middle of the week. I better, because I only left enough meals for Ajax until Wednesday.

So now that you're all aware of my personal agenda...uh...

Go do something else. It's like you're still reading. Ugh.

Well this is just FANTASTIC. I'll hold my breath just in case I wake up tomorrow with a RACK. Since I'm looking for a job and all maybe I should just open up my own Extermination company because obviously there's too many Moogles who can't do their JOBS.

Must be the rain. I've been letting my guard up WAY too much lately...nope, from now on I'm keeping my eye opened to everything that's going on. This is ridiculous.

Oh...by the way...Hey Roy~ Are you dead?? Did you ever find your girlfriend yet?

You'd think moving to Radiant Garden would be more exciting and eventful. Wrong. The only shit that has happened has been either bad or because I had to initiate it. I guess it's going good now, my heart is probably just feeling a little restless. I didn't expect any different, actually I'm happy to feel something. Great, I'm sounding complicated. Still job searching and I've found a few promising spots but just been crashing lately around the apartment making sure it stays in one piece.

I've determined a lot in the last few days. For one thing, giant lizards (whose sex is REALLY difficult to figure out considering you can't see anything and I'm not about to try to turn what I'm guessing is a her over) don't just like huge chunks of raw meat...they like chips and laundry WAY too much. As soon as I walked to the cupboard I found crumbs and pieces of what I guess were socks everywhere. ...Er, I did clean it up though, so no worries about that. Heh. Can't guarantee she won't try it again, though. She really does need a name and Zexion's suggestion of "Larxene" becomes more fitting every second. It does seem cruel to the lizard, though. Still, I'd like to see anything get past her. Yeesh.

Met with a guy the other day...Roy Mustang. I still think it sounds like a fake name, but who knows what parents in a World where alchemy is actually a profession are thinking. Not too disagreeable but-

Shit! She's got a hold of the couch cushion!

...

...Well, when you turn it over you don't really notice anything...

I don't know if any of you knew it, but tracking down Keyblade wielders is almost impossible ESPECIALLY while keeping a Heartless in check. Did you have to make an appointment or something, Saix? You'd think the thing would listen to me but I basically have to yell at it to get it to cooperate. Then it started changing from this gangly looking...thing to the generic form of the creatures. He's not half bad looking, though...and he's definitely quick on his feet. This could all be solved by taking a ship to the Disney Castle but apparently they've gone all out with the security and there is only one ship that leaves from here to there every week. Not only that, it leaves RIDICULOUSLY early in the morning. I'll catch it next time for sure, though.

It's almost like the excitement is all gone lugging this stupid thing around. I would say I grabbed the wrong Heartless (maybe Larxene's judging by its constant bitchiness) but I can...feel it or...eugh. On a scientific level I'd say we were definitely connected. No need to drone on about that sappy emotional shit.

Zexion...if I come home and my things are still intact and flower-free I'll give you your present. Maybe the pages to your book too.

...!!!!

I found it.

I actually found it!

...

Now if it would just cooperate.

The longer I stay the harder it's going to be to find one heartless. I already have a few headings on where I can start looking: that isn't a bad start. We're supposed to recognize them from a reasonable distance, right? I think I'll get the feeling if my Heartless is on the same world I am. My instincts never fail me.

We're supposed to come out of this differently and maybe even forget some things that happened. I'm not going to regret it. Well, most of it. I could use a clean slate. It doesn't really matter at all: Braig wasn't much different than what I am now. He's gone. There's nothing left to change, just the chance to feel and actually enjoy again. I can't imagine how those poor bastards in Port Royal felt. They couldn't feel, eat...nothing. Did you ever see them in the moonlight? They were all bones with a huge ego to make up for it...now it sounds like I'm talking about Larxene.

Back to what I was talking about- since I'm going to redeem my heart I doubt I'll be able to return to The World That Never Was. Do NOT make the mistake of thinking that this is an open invitation to invade my room. Nothing is final and when I'm through with you you'll be begging to be put out of your misery.

To everything I don't remember and everything I know I will....adios...

...Don't touch my stuff. I mean it. I left a Nirvana CD in there and I expect to find it when I get back.

That purple fog came and went WAY too fast. Personally I enjoyed myself. The only thing that can compare would be reading the reactions the following few days. Cross-dressing, ugly shrines, random kittens, rabbitphobia...you don't get that kind of material every day. I guess I owe you all some sort of thanks for making me laugh harder than I ever have before. Heh. Go you.

Zexion has been dropping by a lot. I can't blame him- I am basically irresistible and one of the more popular, welcoming folk around here. We visited Port Royal and the whole visit I didn't hear one pirate remark- that's always a good start.

It's getting cold here. I mean it's always sort of cold if one looks at it in terms of nonexistence but it's really cold and the rain is getting to me. I think I'm going to pay a visit to Olympus and see if I've still got some tricks up my sleeve. I know the Coliseum is fussy about who they let into their games but the Underdome should let anyone in. Their challenges are better anyway. Who wants to waste their time with Hero training and breaking pots? Anyone who thinks they've even got a chance can find me there.

WOAHISITMOVINGFASTORWHATTHISISKINDOFRIDICULOUSBUTI'MGETTINGSOMUCHDONEANDWOAHTELEPORTINGISSOOOSLOWCOMPAREDTOTHIS.

but how are you? Mmmhm you're looking exceptionally HOT today. Speaking of HOT...forget this tea bullshit what happened to the COFFEE?! I need it! And the food...it has been smelling so good lately but I can't tell where it's coming from. Maybe it's the purple mist...Mmm...bet it's grape flavored...

Anyway...back to you...

Heeeeeeeeey. How about you park some of that ass right over here?

DAMN! I know some people got the short end of the stick with this Halloween thing...but finally I did not get screwed over. The guns got a makeover to look like old six-shooters and (hello!) a rifle. Sure it's a little inconvenient that I happen to be a little decayed but I can live with that. Have you seen this duster and the hat?

Yeah. Go on. Be jealous. Now if you'll excuse me there's hell to raise, kids to bother and free candy for the taking! Finally something to look forward to.

Happy Halloween.

ooc: Xigbar is an undead cowboy (thanks for the idea Rav XD). Took me forever to color this...urgh. Picture of the whole costume

Excuses excuses. I even had faith this time and what happens? Everything backfires. I guess I should have just taken the "find your own path" thing seriously. Can our heartless forms still be around somewhere? I mean I COULD start looking but I might just end up losing it like the Superior. I know that I will end up getting impatient and I'll make an effort to find out what I can dig up on Braig and what became of my his other half. I mean it can't just be over like this. After all this work...

If anyone needs me I'll be doing some target practice. Try not to get in the way.

Luxord? Are you drunk enough feeling generous enough to share some of that booze?

One week and everything will be back just like it was. Things will finally FEEL good and we won't be bullshitting ourselves. Does it really matter if we end up being the same person or someone different? Everyone wanted it bad enough three years ago. Then again there have been a lot of committment issues lately so I don't know why I bother writing "EVERYONE". ME, MYSELF and I are cool enough words. I'd rather go down trying to recover who I was instead of living like this anymore.

That aside, I'm taking a mini-vacation for the rest of the week. If anyone needs anything, particuarly anything that involves research, listening to crazy theories or being lectured on hearts and whatnot Xigbar is OUT OF THE OFFICE. Leave a message here if it's something important or if you just have nothing better to do.

Yep. Lots of planning to do for, oh I don't know, THE REST OF MY LIFE? Already know where I'm going to get a place and look for a job. In a week everything is going to be different...

...It can't be a disappointment...

EDIT

Tempafporatily peuet on hodfld duee to bldjnsdness

thosew arew the wrirght keysafewn't thetry?

Nofbody bettewr bve writing any shitt bout me bevdcasuse when thdfoisover you;re deasxs

So maybe those bubbles aren't as bad as everyone makes them out to be. Yeah, I was probably over-reacting just a little bit these past few days...but you guys did scare the shit out of me! Guess I was a little shy. Oh well. That's all in the past, guys. I mean it's all about the present, right?

Wow. I just feel so calm and in this nice place right now and reading each of your entries seeing all your thoughts and what each of you has to offer...basically pretty awesome. Hope you're all having a nice evening and all..I'll just be chilling around. Maybe I'll see you sometime. I'm just feeling so damn relaxed I don't know if I'll even move!

Like I said, check out those bubbles. They're not too bad!

OH. Got myself a stereo of my own, finally. Yep. The day just keeps on getting better and better.

I'm getting closer to finding the important bits of information. All this data! I had no idea there was seven different ways to make sea salt ice cream. I already have some things written down. I should report to the Superior...

...but I think I'll stay in my room for a while. Those bubbles seem pretty dangerous. I was just stepping out for a break and a walk when I ran into one of them! I'm sure it was my fault...me being a little clumsy. Then I got this epiphany that maybe it was best to chill out in my room forever a little while and just kind of wait some things out.

Ehee...um. I think that's it.

All done with the...that...*SNEEZE*

UGHHH! Flowers were NOT meant to shoot out of peoples noses. Especially MINE. Fucking Marluxia. Don't you have anything better to do like grow a cactus and HURL YOURSELF ON IT?

Back to the point. Bandages and all that shit for everyone are out of the way. Yeah...I'm such a nice guy. You people all owe me big time for that.

Ugh. Can nobodies get sick? Because I am really feeling like shit right now. And I'm going to sneeze my brains out if...

*sniffle*

Whatever. This blows.

Party? Finally something worthwhile happening. Forget location and all manner of company...it's a party, right? Everyone get over it and have a good time. Makes me kind of curious as to what kind of parties this King throws but it's not like any other worlds have anything promising to do. Could even be worth crashing.

Took some stashed money to Twilight Town and got some new threads because, as stated, those robes just draw attention and bad vibes. Forgot how good it feels to kick your legs around without worrying about unzipping something.

And just for the record, Mr. Saix...

HEY, SMURF! How's the widdle smurf-man doing today?

I thought it was a catchy nickname too. You probably get sick and tired of the "puppy" and "rabid mongrel" jokes so think of this as a refresher. You can thank VI for coming up with it.

Xemnas. I'm assuming what you're looking for would be around the bailey close to where the castle gates used to be. Around there. Memory- funny thing. Just comes and goes when it wants.

Zexion...yeah you can stop looking now. Told you you should have just bought a map.

Why is it so quiet? Makes me feel trapped sitting here with just my own thoughts. I'll just dump them here and go out.

You wouldn't think it would be difficult to leave something like a craptastic Organization...not that it can even be called that anymore. Everyone has already jumped the gun and gone off on their own to do hell knows what with their nonexistence. We feel nothing. We lack hearts. Technically speaking here I shouldn't even be able to become attached to a place or the many people it presents for my bothering pleasure...

But I'm no technician. Besides, apparently we have "shades" of hearts now because some asshole kid smacked us into oblivion with his key. Sounds like a load of bullshit to me but I'd rather go on believing it than thinking I'm still completely empty here. Never really felt like it but then again everyday Braig gets a little further. Now there are some theories being pitched that we have to find our own hearts for ourselves. The more I think about it the more I can believe it. Just makes sense that way. They can't all be in the same place, can they? Someone would have noticed a group of hearts by now.

Am I still going on? I have to stop or else I'll end up gushing like this every entry. Nasty. Too much thinking involved. After that waste of time called a mission I've gotta find something alcohol-induced and fun to do.

It's been a day of discovery. Yeah, believe it or not discoveries aren't limited to certain members of the Organization. I've got my smarts too, you know.

Anyway. So this journal thing looks pretty widespread and after hours of screwing around research I've stumbled upon a few journals outside of the current world. And I AM aware that they're thoughts meant to be seen unlike some people might believe. Not naming any names here Saix. Anyway. The journals hold some new faces and some old. I'm not quite sure what to make of the old. I mean holding grudges is a lot of work, huh? Not to mention it tends to get you in trouble. Or killed. So far no one too bad has shown up. Can't help feeling this sense of impending doom and ferocity coming along though. I must have been reading too much of Zexion's crap.

Oh. Other thing. There's these weird lights showing up everywhere...seems to be a common complaint. I haven't actually investigated it just yet but they just seem to be popping up like weeds.

Oh well. Back to being "productive". Not like my heart is in it. Ha.

I guess I'm writing in this because it's apparently THE THING to do. Yeah, our heartless little family gets a trend. I was just getting bored of the matching wardrobe too. Tch.

So a bunch of us are still toast and the rest of us aren't really sure what to go about doing. I don't know HOW Saix and Zexion can make like four paragraphs out of that. I guess some people like reading their own writing, you know?

Running into a stupid kid while portaling to some island...yeah it's been a grand existence so far.

Grant me something interesting PUH-LEASE.

[ [ Added on ] ]

Well...I guess the Superior is in the castle. Not quite what I had in mind when I said something interesting...but...uh...

Hi?